When To Tell the Kids About a PCS: 3 Ways
You have orders. The official kind, with the e-mail alert.
Now you have the fun, okay not really fun, of planning and prepping for the move. The logistics are a lot for any adult to handle, even when moving is old hat. Children are not mini-adults, they do not process things the same way. Military children deal with unique issues to the military community, moving often being one of them. There are three timelines that military families take to share the news of moving to their military kid. There are different reasons for each, and it really depends on each family situation and how the military child will do with the news.
Right Away
Keeping kids in the loop on the ins and outs of moving has its positives. They are aware of the pending move and process as they need to. Each child will react differently, and even if you have moved previously, the reaction can change as children age. Telling them means you will be the one to tell them about the move. Things happen. Among the military community, some promotion boards and school lists post on the specific service branch administrative pages and service members can access them. Perhaps a well-meaning neighbor will ask your child how they feel about moving to Monterey because they assume your child knows. Learning about a move from someone other than their family can be less than ideal. Depending on the amount of time left at the duty station, you can make last visits to favorite restaurants and parks. It also has some downsides — what if the orders change and they have to flex to a new location, or perhaps not leaving at all.
A Month Before the Move
Giving children time to be able to say “see ya next time” is important. With the destination finalized and most of the logistics of the move completed, telling your children a month out from the move provides time to say “see you later.” A month can typically provide enough time to say goodbye to all those favorite locations and have quality time with friends. You can also introduce things to look forward to — maybe you have another family friend who already lives at the duty station, or there is a zoo nearby you will check out. Preparing for a move isn’t just about leaving, it’s also about going to a new place and wanting to fit in.
The Week of the Move
Military families all know that orders change, and sometimes frequently. If there is a lot of back and forth and change, there can add confusion to not just the adults, but also the children. Waiting until the week of the move allows means that they know the move is happening, and what to expect. In some cases, saying good-bye to their friends means that those friends stop including the military children or talking to them. Telling the military kids the week of the move means they don’t have to deal with that awful feeling of being cut off from their friends. The beauty of recent times is that there are a lot of virtual opportunities for visiting favorite places. Even with a weeks’ notice, you can prioritize saying “see ya later” to friends and check out a favorite museum or aquarium online on the move, or when settling into your new home as a source of comfort and familiarity.
You know your child best. Determining when to tell them is really best for each family to determine. Set the tone for the move with smiling and positivity, as much as possible. Moving is hard. One of the beautiful sides of military life is that many times you will see military friends again. Even if you aren’t at the same base again, staying in touch through letters or social media as able maintains a connection.
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